Don’t Wash !

To wash or not to wash is not as overwhelming a question as ‘ To be or not to
be ’. But it is one of the great existential dilemmas for the votaries of the Sloth Goddess who would like to burn incense at her altar had they been a little less slothful. Washing , as you all know, is classifiable into a) washing of the self b) washing of other individuals far older or far younger to you, sometimes your age or slightly older but more slothful than you c) washing of possessions & utilities like your clothes , your car, your vessels and d) certain washings of the clinical/pathological /technical kind about which I cant say much. As far as the layperson that I am, is concerned, each one of the first three is enough of a botheration to say the least. Each , by itself or in combination with one of the other or both can destroy joie de vivre which is French for ‘ joy of life .’

I have nothing against the hydromaniacs who wash and wash and wash and become godly through cleanliness. I admire them. But I can’t be like them. It may be due to a sort of hydrophobia, fear of water . Not, God forbid, the sort that is caused by the bite of rabid dogs. But just a horror of handing over , however temporarily, of the beloved body, one’s own, to one of the panchabhoothas, resembling somewhat the other fear of having to hand it over to another bhootha or element after the ghost is given up ! Giving kids or disabled elders a bath is however, not impacted by the phobia. I have done it out of the goodness of my heart and also out of the desire to earn Punya.

There are other more compelling reasons that I can urge against the daily bath habit( hairwash included…no Malu would acknowledge mere body wash as bath) of the squeaky clean.My environmental conscience is outraged by the thoughtless overexploitation of such a scarce natural resource as water. Besides lemme point out that washing is not the equivalent of keeping yourself clean, not any more.. We must learn to look upon the water of the 21st century with suspicion. Kaliyug’s Ganga , Pampa & Kaveri are all ‘myly’and can wash away neither your dirt nor your sins.

Washing clothes & vessels falls under the category of necessary evils. I have never had to wash cars which is the big positive about not owning them. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh had washed vessels when he was in the U.K with his wife in their youth. Mrs. Singh herself had said so somewhere. George Fernandes had washed his own clothes until he fell a victim to Alzheimers. The fact that even the big folks are not spared the irksome chores helps me check my own tears when I am obliged to bend over vessels and bear their clang-clang and refusal to shine with my scrubbing. As for clothes , I have my own style of handling them. I don’t injure them with too much aquatic contact. But attachment to stiff and starched clothes has been my Achilles heel . How I wish the great Greek hero, I mean Achilles whose heel alone was weak, were reborn as my neighbourhood washerman ! My utopian wishes are endless …Clothes requiring no washing, dishes who will look after themselves, Chitty like attendants who give you a perfect wash , without your having to stir… . The first of these, dirt resistant & stink resistant clothes will soon be a reality according to one report. My eyes are ever alert to such reports. My prayer is : May the ultimate solution be found to the physical and psychological problems connected with washing.

Washing is an inexhaustible topic. A whole book is required to cover the past, present and future of washing in various parts of the world. In fact , such a book is already there . It is written by a writer amed Katherine Ashenburg titled , ‘The Dirt in Clean : An Unsanitized History Of Washing.’ A priceless nugget from it I would like to share with my dear readers. Napoleon Bonaparte and his wife Josephine lived at a time /phase when the typical, aristocratic Frenchman changed his linen shirt daily, dabbled his hand in water but never touched his body with soap or water. NB & J were an exception to this . They took a long hot bath daily. Despite this meticulous pursuit of cleanliness , the great Bonaparte wrote to wife Josephine from a campaign : “ I will return to Paris tomorrow evening. Don’t wash.” Emphasis mine.